Let’s talk BRIDESMAIDS! 👩🏼‍🤝‍👩🏾

Hey Bridal Diaries gang!

How’s it going? Hope you are surviving in the wedding season chaos. This week’s newsletter is all about Bridesmaids! This is such a tricky subject and honestly there is no right or wrong answer. I thought I’d list some of the common questions we get asked about Bridesmaids and give some of my advice on how to approach this.

1) Do I Need Bridesmaids? 

No, you don’t need them. Although Instagram and Pinterest are filled of girls in matching dresses or colour palettes, personalised Bride Tribe pyjamas and trending before and after transitions, it definitely isn’t a must. On your wedding morning, you need people around you who are going to be positive, be truly excited for you and keep you calm. If you have some good friends who can do this, then amazing, have them as bridesmaids. If it’s your family; sister or cousins, have them as bridesmaids. If you feel like you don’t quite have that or if you can do that for yourself (you go, you independent queen), then you don’t need to have any! The bottom line is your bridesmaids should be people you want to bring along on the wedding journey with you. Or if you aren’t a tradition kind of girl, that’s fine, you can still get ready with all your friends but just not have official roles of bridesmaids!

2) How Do I Pick My Bridesmaids?

Pick them based on a) who knows you well and b) who will actually be a good bridesmaid. If you have a good friend who is known to be super flakey and all over the place, chances are she won’t be a great bridesmaid. Don’t feel pressured to pick people based on the length or history of your friendship either. Also remember, there are other ways to include close people without making them a bridesmaid; doing a key part of the ceremony, doing a reading, doing a speech, doing a dance performance, being the MC etc. Also remember Bridesmaids don’t have to be girls! I went to a wedding recently and the Bride had a ‘Man of Honour’ as well as a ‘Maid of Honour’, which I absolutely loved!

3) How Many Do I Pick? 

There is no correct number. Some people just have one or two and some people have multiple. It’s about the quality of them, and by that I mean, don’t just pick people for the sake of it. Again, you want good vibes only people who will cheer you on, be your hype girl and make an effort to help where they can for your big day. Also bear in mind, the more bridesmaids you have, the more you have to budget for anything you provide them (bridesmaids gifts, hair, make up, dress etc).

4) What Are They Expected To Do?

If you take nothing away from this newsletter, take away this- SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. I’ve had lots of Brides message me about how disappointed they are feeling in their bridesmaids and it’s so sad to read. The reality is, your wedding is only a priority to you. Everyone is busy and is in different stages of life, so you can’t expect them to drop everything to help with your wedding. In terms of the lead up, they could help with the planning, the DIY elements or even the packing for the big day. On the day, they should ideally be helping with everything from getting you ready, to carrying your emergency kit, to ensuring you’re kept hydrated and just being on hand to sort your dress/hair/make up….unless you have Pristine, in which case we are your coordinator and Bridesmaid in one. 👀If you set unrealistic expectations of them being heavily involved, it will just leave you disappointed and let down. My tips are:

a) Delegate to responsible people- there’s no point delegating to last minute Laila or scatty Sharon, they won’t get it done. Delegate to organised people who you trust as otherwise you’ll spend your time chasing and you may as well do it yourself.

b) Ask your Maid of Honour or Chief Bridesmaid to be in charge of the rest of the group. This will avoid you having to repeat messages or tasks throughout the group.

c) Make it fun if possible- if you need all hands on deck to make welcome bags, cut out DIY stationery or bake edible favours, get the girls together for a fun day! I’m thinking prosecco, pyjamas, pizza and wed-min all in one!

d) Express gratitude!! Yes they are your bridesmaids and yes they are there to help you, but don’t take for granted they are taking time out of their busy lives to help. Make sure you drop them a thank you message, write them a card or send them something to show how much you appreciate them.

5) What Am I Expected To Do For Them?

Again, there’s no real expectation here. Most people will do some sort of ‘Bridesmaid proposal’ which is where you ask them to be your bridesmaids. This can literally be as low-key as giving them a card or something as extra as organising a bridesmaids brunch. Most people also give them some sort of gifts either at the proposal or the morning of the wedding. This is your time to express how much they mean to you so be as thoughtful as you can! Also a personal tip from me, try and get practical presents that will actually get used. I’m talking make up bags, mirrors, beach bags, perfumes, candles etc. If you’re getting things personalised, I would recommend getting their names/initials rather than just ‘bridesmaid’ on everything. This just means they will keep using it after the wedding period. I get so happy seeing my bridesmaids still using their personalised beach and make up bags!  In terms of the actual bridesmaids dress/outfit, if you are asking them to wear a particular thing, I personally think you should cover the cost of these (or at least partially cover it). A lot of Brides arrange their hair and make up as well, usually as a gift to them.

6) Do I Need To Make Someone A Bridesmaid If I Was Theirs?

The short answer is no. However, I know that’s easier said than done as there’s an element of guilt there. The reality is friendships can sometimes change over time, as sad as that may seem. So whilst you may have been super close at the time of their wedding, that may not be the case now at your wedding and that’s okay. Depending on your relationship, you may want to tell them in advance so they don’t feel blindsided.

I could talk about this topic for hours as there are so many variables, but hopefully this is a good summary of what to consider when thinking about Bridesmaids. For those of you who have had a difficult experience with bridesmaids so far, I’m so sorry, but don’t let it take away from your wedding experience. I tell all of our Brides that YOU have to bring your own excitement and Bridal energy, and not rely on anyone else for it. I used to roam around the house in my Bridal merch on a weekly basis and put on wedding films (27 Dresses, The Wedding Planner, Bride Wars, Father Of The Bride) and did my Wedmin and planning whilst being my own hype girl lol and it kept me excited!

Happy Planning Brides!

Love,

Priya

Pristine